Renegotiating - Hope

This post is part of a set about Renegotiating Core Phase lessons. I decided to expound upon the two examples given in the post linked above and add a bit more explanation, as well as add more Core Phase lessons. This topic of renegotiating Core Phase is one that is extremely important, especially for those just learning about TJED. I floundered for two years trying to figure this stuff out and I hope that my experiences might at least give one person the courage to keep trying.

Hope

If something happens that eliminates our hope...then we have a Core Phase lesson to work on to renegotiate ourselves back to having hope. In Erickson's stages of development (see Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning pages 23-26), having hope is something that should be learned around the age of 1 year old.

The ways to teach, or renegotiate this lesson, is to have a) lots of physical contact and b) respond immediately when they cry or fuss.

But, what do you do with the depressed or grieving teen or adult? We do the same thing, but in grown-up ways.

• Offer hugs and a shoulder to cry on as often as needed. 
• Never belittle their worries, fears, or struggles.
• Constantly inquire after their needs to make sure we do everything we can to help.
• Be aware of things that trigger depressive states (see list below).
• Be aware of things that bring happiness and lift their attitude.
• Provide as many uplifting experiences as we can.
• Praise good attitude behaviors.

A key factor for returning to Hope is to remove things that promote a hopeless state of mind. Our minds are constantly fed by images and sound. Even if we are not consciously aware of what is around us, our subconscious will pick-up on the real messages these things carry. 

Areas to review and reassess for removing unwanted negativity:

Movies/TV

Remove movies and television shows that have violent and/or depressive themes. Find movies and TV that are uplifting and teach good values to replace them. Find those older classic shows. Local libraries often have these on DVD to check out for free. There are also many older classics available on Hulu and Netflix.

Limit these positive role model movies and television. Whatever has been allowed in the home before, reduce it by at least half. That sounds drastic, but it can be filled by other activities that are inspiring.

Music

Remove music that is violent or has depressive themes, especially those that demean or devalue sex and members of the opposite sex. Also remove all music with cursing or themes about drug abuse. These are always meant to bring the mood down, never to uplift.

Music plays a major role in reversing mood. Choose uplifting music and play it softly in the background throughout the day. Find a song or set of songs that are especially meaningful for uplifting each person's mood. Make a favorites CD to play whenever the family member(s) feels down.

Religious music is especially helpful in lifting mood. Even certain instrumentals have been found to lower blood pressure and create peaceful feelings. Having a theme song for your family is something fun to work on. When my children were young we sang "If You Chance to Meet a Frown". Now we use "I Am Wonderful" by Gary Go (lyrics).

Books
Remove books that are not uplifting, especially adult material and horror. Again, fill the book shelves with uplifting classics. Some books where people overcome difficult things in their life can spark that switch in thinking to help the depressed person begin to have confidence in themselves to overcome their own problems. In some cases, there are self-help books that also might be helpful.

See my post titled "Reading Leads to Less Depression?"

Video Games
Video games and other time wasters online are a leading contributor to depression and loss of hope. Reduce the amount of time spent on these endeavors and get rid of violent and depressing games altogether. Mature and above rated games are full of images that bring on depression and hopelessness.

Reduce the amount of video game time by at least half. Remove personal devices from bedrooms and bring them out to the family room. Often, depressed teens will hibernate in their rooms when what they really need is their family to be around them.

A good resource for learning more about the dangers of video gaming is Boys Adrift: The Five Factors Driving the Growing Epidemic of Unmotivated Boys and Underachieving Young Men. 

Friends/Peers

Sometimes teens and adults get involved with friends or peers that contribute to their feelings of hopelessness. Clean-up those relationships by setting clear boundaries or get rid of them altogether. Do not spend time with people who belittle, bully, or encourage their friends to break the law or engage in sinful activities.

This includes online friends and social networking sites. A lot of trash is transmitted through online sources that lead to hopelessness and depression. Find out who is talking, texting, emailing or Facebooking members in the family. It might feel like spying, but it is part of a parents and spouses job to make sure the family members are safe and happy.

Another area to look into is the types of activities that are engaged in with friends. Many times teens now want to hang out indoors rather than engage in wholesome activities outside. Encourage and plan things that get youth out to enjoy the world we live in. Some favorites of ours are hiking, fishing, biking, and just taking the dog for walks.

Harmful Substances
Alcohol, street drugs, and over-the counter drug abuse always lead to loss of hope. These addictions need to be dealt with in the proper way with a support system and counseling. If a loved one is dealing with these addictions, get help for them. Do not be an enabler who looks the other way.

Harmful Situations
In some cases, people allow themselves to be in harmful situations with abusers or other unsafe people. Removing harmful people from one's life is a difficult thing to do, but it is of utmost importance in order to return to hope. If someone is in an abusive situation, get help. Staying in long-term abusive relationships keeps both people from healing.

Renegotiating Core Phase

In TJED circles we sometimes hear the phrase "renegotiating Core Phase". What does that mean? We all are imperfect beings after all, does that mean I'm always in Core Phase? Am I always working on myself? Will I ever be a Scholar?

The answers are pretty much.....yes!

Yes, you will always be in Core Phase.

Yes, you will always be working on yourself.

Yes, you will be a Scholar if you put in the work.

Isn't that comforting? Some may feel like a huge weight lifts off their shoulders and others will feel that a new weight is piled on. For answers to always being in Core Phase, first take a look at a post on the misconceptions of Core Phase.

Sometimes something happens to us that puts us back in Core Phase. It could be a bad decision, abuse, being bullied, a death, a divorce, loss of a job, etc. These things are often out of our control. But, sometimes they are consequences of our actions. Either way, if we are to pursue our Path of Mission, then we must renegotiate the things that are missing and fill in the missing lessons.

Examples:

Hope

If something happens that eliminates our hope...then we have a Core Phase lesson to work on to renegotiate ourselves back to having hope. In Erickson's stages of development (see Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning pages 23-26), having hope is something that should be learned around the age of 1 year old. The ways to teach, or renegotiate this lesson, is to have a) lots of physical contact and b) respond immediately when they cry or fuss.

But, what do you do with the depressed teen or the grieving adult? We do the same thing, but in grown-up ways.

• Offer hugs and a shoulder to cry on as often as needed. 
• Never belittle their worries, fears, or struggles.
• Constantly inquire after their needs to make sure we do everything we can to help.
• Be aware of things that trigger depressive states.
• Be aware of things that bring happiness and lift their attitude.
• Provide as many uplifting experiences as we can.
• Praise good attitude behaviors.

Will Power (Motivation)

Sometimes, and often at the same time, as a person begins to feel hope again, they notice they have a lack of motivation or will power. Sometimes people feel hope, but don't fully feel happy about themselves due to lack of will power. In Erickson's stages of development (see Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning pages 23-26), having will power is something that should be learned between the ages of 1 and 3 years old. The ways to teach these lessons are a) give simple choices, b) do not give false choices, c) set clear, consistent, reasonable limits, and d) be relaxed with mood swings.

With the teen or adult we could:

• Be clear with our statements about what we expect.
• Never expect the person to "read your mind" or "know what you mean".
• Have a sense of humor about things that don't matter very much.
• Meet on a regular basis (Family Executive Counsel) to discuss issues and solutions. Avoid doing so in the heat of the moment.
• Accept the person as a work in progress, raising the bar of expectations in small increments as they have success.
• Encourage the person to record their successes in a journal.

Summary

These are just two examples of renegotiating lessons of Core Phase. There are many, many more. I will be adding to this list over the next few months.

Educate to Innovate Initiative

Recently President Obama said in the State of the Union Address that he wants to focus on "educating for innovation" because we need to compete in a global world. (See the White House webpage here.) The website says this will be done through:

"five major public-private partnerships are harnessing the power of media, interactive games, hands-on learning, and community volunteers to reach millions of students over the next four years, inspiring them to be the next generation of inventors and innovators."

The part that bothers me the most about this statement is "media and interactive games".  From the list of contributors on the website, it seems like video games to me.

Several years ago before I started educating my children at home, I worked in a computer lab at the local elementary school where my children attended. I oversaw a set of educational games that were engineered to teach the children for the state's mandatory testing. The school district was shown all kinds of charts and predictions on how much the children's test scores would improve with this system. The school district spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to purchase this system for all of the schools and built additional computer labs in each school, then employed teachers like myself to implement and oversee the system.

I had access to two years worth of records on the student's test scores and I can firmly say that across the board absolutely NO improvement was made. A handful of individuals had improved scores, but as a whole it was a huge failure. In fact, the school lost some of the funding used for state testing after the second year. In other words, their test scores went down, not up. The school's test score rating in the state was lowered and they lost funding based on these results.

So what does that tell us? Could it be that entertaining educational products do not work?

In a 2003 study done about improving test scores using an ILS (Integrated learning System a.k.a technology driven, game like teaching) the following was reported:

"Controlled studies of ILS effects on reading achievement carried out over a period of three decades suggest, therefore, that ILSs do not usually make meaningful contributions to reading improvement in elementary schools."

However, if you do a search over the web you'll find countless websites telling us that educational video games do improve test scores. So what should we believe?

First of all, if you spend all your time teaching to the test then test scores will most likely improve. But what effect does that have on education for the individual? It might mean they know everything that their classmates know, but for how long? What cements that knowledge in place long-term?

Second, what do test scores matter in the world anyway? Does a student who does well in science and math always become an innovator? Does a student who aces the math section on the SATs always become an inventor?

I am a firm believer that we are what we eat. I also believe that we are what we read. If I spend all my time reading Comic Books, then I will only understand short sentences with very little plot. My focus will be minimal in understanding how the world works. I'll remain at a childish state of knowledge.

If I study Jane Eyre, Shakespeare, Socrates, Euclid, Einstein...all the great classics, I will be able to understand good vs. evil, philosophy, science, history, etc. My ability to discuss things of value will greatly improve and I'll know what the great minds of our world knew. I will grow to a mature state of knowledge.

I will become what I read.

The question is...what do people who focus on media and video games become?

Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow's Theory of Hierarchy of Needs

I've been thinking a lot about hierarchy of needs lately. I gather this is because our American society is in a crisis (for more information see "The Fourth Turning" by Strauss and Howe). This crisis mode we are in began with the 9/11 terrorist attacks and will last for about 21-25 years, according to Strauss and Howe, putting us roughly in the middle of the crisis. I can see these patterns playing out and realized that the "Hierarchy of Needs: A Theory of Human Motivation" developed by Abraham Maslow may be coming forward more now because many of us are feeling the pinch of finding that the basic Physiological needs (food, shelter, clothing, etc.) and Safety are not being met like they were in the past.

In other words, we are not finding ourselves in the higher levels were we reach self-actualization, but rather in the lower levels of basic needs. The economic struggles many are experiencing have lowered their standard of living, making the focus turn to basic needs rather than attaining social and esteem needs, and then eventually, self-actualization, or as I think of it, the Path of Mission.

Self-actualization = Path of Mission

How this Affects Education
In education, we see this as a detriment to the learning environment.

Examples:

• Mom has to do more outside the home to earn money in order to make sure there is shelter, food, and clothing, bringing the focus to the lowest level of need - physiological. 
• Lessons could be canceled due to costs bringing the focus from self-actualization down to social and esteem levels. 
• Children feel worried because dad is looking for a job and they worry about their basic needs being met rather than being free to study uninhibited by these worries. 
• Curriculum purchases became more difficult to manage do to less income. 
• The loss or downsizing of a home brings everyone's focus to the need for shelter.

In the long run, the child and mentoring parent(s) feel the pressure to worry about the lower, basic needs, rather than being able to attain the highest levels of needs necessary for an excellent Leadership Education.

What do we do?
Our family has found our needs attainment to have shifted to the lower levels on many occasions. My husband was laid-off and is still under-employed after 3 years. We had to downsize our home, cut out extras like classes and social events, and become creative with curriculum. I've also had to work part time outside the home. I've definitely seen a shift from focusing on Mission to focusing on Needs.

My concern is how this will effect the outcome of our home education efforts. Will my children receive the education they need if we are distracted by meeting needs? Will I be able to mentor properly while having to help provide for basic needs and a few social needs? Am I doing enough to make sure they are inspired with all that is required of me outside the home?

I've come to be at peace with these nagging questions.

I believe that we are on this earth during this time for a reason.

I believe that the way I feel about giving my children a Leadership Education using the Thomas Jefferson Education (TJED) method was inspirational and that I know it is the right path for our family.

I believe that Heavenly Father will help me provide the environment and the means necessary to provide for our needs as long as I am keeping to our needs and not our wants with focus on "righteous desires".

I believe that in the long run, we will all be better people for the effort given to find and pursue our Mission(s).

Grades? What Grades?

One area that seems to confound people the most when they scrutinize our home school is the relative lack of grades. I used to try to keep grades, but what are grades anyway? Aren't they just a set value associated with a group of peers that you are competing with? A 100% says I got everything right in comparison with everyone else. An 80% says I got quite a bit right in comparison with everybody else, but others did better and some did worse. We see this become very competitive when we get into high school and college with grade rankings of 4.0 to 2.8.

Where were you ranked in high school/college? What did it have to do with real life? How did it make you feel? Does it matter today?

In my studies, I've come to believe that we are really only in competition with ourselves. Heavenly Father wants us to do our best, to continually be on a path of improvement. I don't believe He cares if we are in the top 5% of our peers as far as grades are concerned. He wants us to be our best selves  and compete against our own abilities.

The Path of Mastery
When I show people that we are based on mastery, they (those who ask about it) often are stumped, angry, or shocked. My questions then become:

• Did you master everything in high school? 
• Can you demonstrate that knowledge today on what you learned?

Most of the time the answer is, "No."

Our education system has lost the ability to teach how to think, focusing on what to think instead. Therefore, the ability to retain information over a long period of time becomes much more difficult. If you don't use it, you lose it. That is what happens to memory over time. Our current educational system relies so heavily on memorization, that the education only lasts for a short time.

Did we master a topic or not? Can we teach it to someone else? Can we demonstrate mastery? These are the "grades" in our home education. If they have learned a topic enough to explain it to someone else, then they have learned the thought processes behind the topic and have built the neural pathways to connect that learning to other things...most importantly, how that information relates to the other information they know, thus cementing it more firmly in their long-term memory.

Education for the Future
We've been hearing on the news and from political leaders that we need to have innovators to compete in this global economy. Our current public education system is the cause of this decline in innovative thinkers. The shift should be towards learning how to think by mastering basic subjects and topics to create the building blocks in the minds of our children (and ourselves) so that we can become innovative thinkers. No other overhaul of the education system will work. Not more tests. Not more grades. And definitely not more short-term connections in the brain through memorization.

Review: Portal to Genius

I'm not sure what to categorize this book...a fictional allegory that is part self-help, part economics, part Christian, and part uplifting. Whatever the category, I learned a lot about how negative thoughts bring about our own downfall. Also know as self-fulfilling prophecy in psychology. I've learned about this before, but this story puts it into terms of how to implement positive thinking and actions to bring about the desires of ones heart.

I believe this book can be life changing for those who need to be reminded to think positively even through adversity. I know for me, it is already making a difference in how I think and act.

One area I wish it had focused more on is "righteous desires". It mentioned it very briefly. I've learned in my life that not everything will happen if it is not a righteous desire. Yes, sometimes greedy people seem to get everything they want, but I don't think that all dreams come true. Of course if you read the book, it states that is because of negative thinking.

One other problem I had with the book was at the end they are borrowing and continuing to live above their means expecting good results. In the book it seems to work out for them, but I know from experience that it can be a recipe for disaster...no matter how positively one thinks about your circumstances. Everyone involved has to be positive and working towards the same goal and others have to give you  the opportunities needed for the success to happen. Even in the book it shows that they sometimes don't live the principles. I just wonder about how this truly works out for people in real life.